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Christine98 Profile
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Case Closed


Your lovingly construed
complaint was heard
by every judge whose

shaded robe has
swept the dimming
corridor or brushed
the dusty canyon floor

There is no one left in the land of Mother
but this old woman.
Aug/9/2013, 2:35 pm Link to this post Email Christine98   PM Christine98
 
spiralwoman Profile
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Re: Case Closed


Dear Christine,
Thank you for posting this poem. It sweeps through me like a wind through a canyon, like the one you evoke in the second strophe. It calls to mind a land where the mother principle has been lost to the judgments of those who exist in an empty landscape. The complaint of the unnamed "you" is the only thing arising from love.

quote:

by every judge whose

shaded robe has
swept the dimming
corridor or brushed
the dusty canyon floor



This strophe is vivid, with well chosen adjectives (dimming, dusty). The hollowness is evident.

quote:

There is no one left in the land of Mother
but this old woman.



In this last strophe, I'd maybe cut the first line into two unless you are wanting the line to stand out from the rest, visually. I like "in the land of Mother" as one line though. Just a thought.
sw
Aug/12/2013, 11:28 am Link to this post Email spiralwoman   PM spiralwoman Blog
 
Christine98 Profile
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Re: Case Closed


hi sw,

thanks for your response to this. Your reading is wonderful although my intention was much smaller, more personal. I was thinking of myself and how I hang on to old resentments--how growing up is partly about seeing one's parents as people--sadly, aging people--and there's a very real possibility of never getting to know them--as people. What a missed opportunity.

re: that long line; I know what you mean but the statement, imo, shouldn't be broken up. I could be wrong about that. thank you again,

Chris
Aug/12/2013, 1:07 pm Link to this post Email Christine98   PM Christine98
 
spiralwoman Profile
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Re: Case Closed


Chris, I do get what you mean about parents and how hard it is to crack through the overlayers of "stuff" to the people inside, before it's too late. I also understand and respect your opinion on that line. It's just as it should be. The poem is beautiful.
SW
Aug/13/2013, 1:54 pm Link to this post Email spiralwoman   PM spiralwoman Blog
 
Christine98 Profile
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Re: Case Closed


thanks sw. don't retreat from your original response so hastily though, I value your take.


Chris
Aug/13/2013, 5:22 pm Link to this post Email Christine98   PM Christine98
 
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Re: Case Closed


Poems can mean more than we think they do when we write them.
Aug/14/2013, 10:55 am Link to this post Email spiralwoman   PM spiralwoman Blog
 
bridgetpost Profile
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Re: Case Closed


This is beautiful, Christine. I wouldn't change anything you've got. I do know it left me hungry, as if there's more, possibly coming before these lines; but hunger is what good poems give us, so I could be wrong. I also agree with SW that pieces often lead us to more than our original intent, and perhaps there's expansion in that. Sometimes when something is NOT being said a reader can feel a space there, that you want to say something and don't want to.
Aug/17/2013, 11:48 am Link to this post Email bridgetpost   PM bridgetpost Blog
 
Christine98 Profile
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Re: Case Closed


Thank you very much, bridgetpost. I do think readers and writers have a kind of collaborative relationship; I'm not sure what I mean exactly by that...but I'm pretty sure I mean it.

Thanks again,

Chris
Aug/17/2013, 12:16 pm Link to this post Email Christine98   PM Christine98
 
bridgetpost Profile
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Re: Case Closed


Nice, Chris! It's what we're able to discover more of here. I won't be getting the imagery of this poem out of my mind any time soon, or the title. And if I do, I'll want to come back and reread it.
Aug/17/2013, 7:43 pm Link to this post Email bridgetpost   PM bridgetpost Blog
 
magyproductions Profile
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Re: Case Closed


chris--this is beautiful and heart-wrenching. not to be morbid, but i do love this kind of poem. the kind that hurts a little and keeps resonating for hours after you read it.
Aug/17/2013, 10:27 pm Link to this post Email magyproductions   PM magyproductions Blog
 
Christine98 Profile
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Re: Case Closed


hi magy,

thank you for your comments, good to see you!

bridget, thank you again,

Chris
Aug/18/2013, 9:42 am Link to this post Email Christine98   PM Christine98
 
taconic resonance Profile
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Re: Case Closed


I like all the spaces between the lines -- all the unanswered questions, foremost being: why was the complaint construed in a "loving" way? I would leave all that space there.
Sep/14/2013, 9:23 am Link to this post Email taconic resonance   PM taconic resonance Blog
 
Christine98 Profile
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Re: Case Closed


Thank you for your comments, tr, and welcome to the board! I look forward to reading something of yours--when you feel like posting,

Chris
Sep/14/2013, 10:07 am Link to this post Email Christine98   PM Christine98
 
Fatgirlinboxinggloves Profile
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Re: Case Closed


This poem touched me deeply. I got that it was personal, right away - probably because I have similar feelings with regard to my relationship with my aging parents (and my aging self).

Your words are beautiful, powerful in their brevity.

Thank you for giving me something to chew on for the rest of the afternoon.
Oct/7/2013, 5:22 pm Link to this post Email Fatgirlinboxinggloves   PM Fatgirlinboxinggloves Blog
 


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